I’ve been snagging a lot of my clothes lately. Three pairs of nylons and a dress all in one week. Is it a sign? (I love finding “signs!!”) Lately, I’ve been watching (and experiencing) some snags in my life and in those around me. It’s made me think about how we (and me) deal with our life snags.
No relationship or situation starts out tumultuous. We love our new job when we walk in the door, our relationships always start out with that “high,” and even our friendships start out with excitement in finding a new person to connect with.
But, tough times? Well, every relationship has them. It’s how you get through them that makes the biggest difference. Sometimes its a personality clash, or feeling unappreciated. Sometimes its a difference in a political view-point, finances or sometimes, in a love relationship, it can be as significant as a breach of a mutual understanding.
As I’m watching and experiencing relationships (my own and others), I’ve made a mental note to follow a few principles to keep myself (and hopefully my relationships) – in a good place.
1. Try not to worry. If something needs to be fixed, I want to fix it. But, worrying really is a waste of time and energy. It’s like sitting in a rocking chair; it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere. Sometimes, worry can keep us from seeing solutions to our problems. One thing I learned from my mom’s early death — the things we worry about the most, never happen.
2. Be patient. I am patience-challenged. Patience (and love) can cure almost any problem. Simple.
3. Forgive and say “sorry.” There is nothing like blame and finger-pointing to turn a relationship sour. And there is nothing better than saying, “I’m sorry.” I had an issue with one of the boys the other day and I eventually apologized for my insane behavior. 🙂 It defused the situation and then we could actually talk about the real issue, not the emotions.
4. Stay connected. Avoid going to your cave. Avoid communicating through emails and texts. While distance feels safer, it actually damages any relationship that is in need of care. Sit down. Look at each other. Talk. Don’t feel you have to solve it all in one sitting. It took many “hurts” to get to this point.
Life and relationships are messy. Sometimes very messy. But, if you see goodness in your relationship, then it is worth fighting for. When the tough times come, tell your friend, your partner or your children — “I’m here for you and we can do anything together!”
Let’s be totally honest: We all try to be super self-sufficient. But, we really can’t do anything alone. And, we really shouldn’t.
Have a fantastic day!