He told me I had “flaws.”

Someone recently pointed out a bunch of my “flaws.”  Look – I know I have them.  Who doesn’t?  But, point them out? Well, let me run through a few of them – see what you think:

1. “Your working out is too time consuming.” Ok. I do try to get to the health club or outside 5 – 6x per week. Especially when training for a race. Flaw? Well, maybe to the health club who banks on me showing up once or twice per week. I’ll call this a 1/2 flaw (but one that I love!)

2. “You worry about everything.” I worry. I’m Italian with a Jewish twist – which accounts for 70% of my “flaws.” I’ll count this as a flaw but one that someone will have to live with.

3. “You go to all your kid’s games/events.” Yes. I gave birth to them, changed a lot of diapers, dealt with a lot of runny noses. I’m going to go to whatever events I want to. I’ve earned the right. Pass.

4. “You never let ‘people’ get involved in your kids lives.” Listen here friends – if any of you want to get involved, attend functions, drive them all over kingdom come and make multiple meals every night – have at it. I’m not counting this as a flaw.

5. “You never have time without something going on.” Welcome to my world. A flaw? Maybe. The life of a single working mom (or just a parent for that matter) with three teenagers? Yes. What I wouldn’t give for someone to take me away for even a weekend … Heck, how about a trip to St. Paul?

6. “You have a lot of walls.” Hmm. I do have a cave. And, I do like to visit it. But, only when I’m not feeling safe or comfortable. The cave does have 4 walls … sometimes more depending on the day. But, in most situations I’m happy to leave the cave for something better. I’ll count this as a flaw.

7. “You don’t sleep enough.” Flaw. Menopause.

8. “You’re always tired at night.” See response above.

9. “You get defensive when I talk to you about your flaws.” FLAW!!

I think “flaws” become an issue when communication has broken down, resentment has built up and someone wants to seek validation that their position is “right” and their frustrations about you are justified. That, in and of itself, is likely a flaw.

Friends, let me make a suggestion: DON’T point out someone else’s flaws – no matter how “minor.”  The blame game doesn’t solve problems. In fact, it exacerbates them. Instead say to your partner/friend: “Hey, can I talk about my flaws and how they are affecting you and what, if anything, I can do to make it work better for us.” Change the game to a healthy, loving and productive discussion. Just think what a lack of finger-pointing can do to strengthen any kind of relationship!

Well, if I see you at the club, working (not) on my flaws, I hope you’ll just ignore the flaw and say “hi!” 🙂

Have a fantastic day!

2 responses to “He told me I had “flaws.”

  1. Please tell me you are not dating this “person.” With friends like that, and all that rot.

    For the record, most would see your involvement with your kids as an amazing strength – good parents are a thrill to see and know. Your commitment to working out…healthy. Strong. Able to leap tall buildings. And probably the reason you ARE still able to stay awake – and do all the teenage kid thingys. Caves/walls…without them, we could become the cave bear that scratches and roars without a bit of hibernation to take the edge off.

    I dunno…for some reason, this post really irritated me (not the post, the feelings that were prompted in you because of this insensitive ass-hat (can I say that in your blog?)

    You even take time to share with us on an almost daily basis…and it makes me happy to read it. Makes my day. Don’t let tools like that get to you lady. You amaze on a daily basis, and I for one don’t see flaws. I see fabulous. So there. :p

  2. Becky! Love your comments! So here’s my feeling on this: I learn from each situation – the tough ones and the beautiful ones. Plus, it’s easy to see through finger pointing as an action from someone who is very insecure and in some cases, hollow. So, instead of anger, I’m sad for this person. Life looks way different for you and me as opposed to this person’s life. XO

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