You may wonder if I’m the right person for this topic. But, maybe being divorced makes me just the right one to write on this complicated but exquisitely beautiful topic. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about love: What is it? Why do people “fall out of love?” What is “forever” love? And how is it we can feel so many different kinds of love?
Much of our lives are spent on messages about love: “You’ll meet the ‘one.'” “You’ll know within seconds of your first meeting.” “He/she is the ‘one’ if you have the best sex (hard to argue this one!), the most in common, like the same food, politics, etc.”
We know we’ll love our kids, pets, family (most times) but it’s a bit more complicated when the message is to search for that one soul mate – that one you’ll love forever.
Here’s my take on love: Love’s not just a feeling; it’s a choice, a commitment, an intention. Love brings color to our lives. But, love can (and will) change over time and sometimes it’s not forever.
Let’s be honest (what the h*** else are we going to do?): Very few people look across the room and “just know” – without question, without doubt that they’ve found the “one.” And even if you do find the one – you’ll likely still have ups, downs and even doubts. I believe in doubt. Doubt is a sign of an introspective, intelligent person. I worry the most about those who are “certain” about any thing. Doubt is actually the doorway into transformation – not just for you, but for your love relationship. Doubt challenges assumptions and the status quo. It allows you to find common ground while also staying true to your feelings and your needs.
Here’s my favorite quote about the totality of love:
[Love] can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor, and “loaded with promises and commitments” that we may or may not want or keep. The best thing you can possibly do with your life is to tackle the crap out of love. Cheryl Strayed
Yes! Tackle the love you have (regardless of where it’s coming from). Give as much out as you can. Don’t worry about it being “forever.” Some love will be and some won’t. And, even when it’s not – it’s still a life experience, of which we have a finite amount. Plus, love is completely free (and if it’s not … it’s not the love you wanted anyway). 🙂
So, my friends, I hope you have a great (and loving) start to your week!