Monthly Archives: December 2014

I love you.

I hear this from my kids all the time. And it’s an awesome feeling every time they say it – Thanks kids for being so loving to me!  But, this week two people (other than my family) said these three words to me.  One male. One female.  I just need to share with you something important about it.

There are many ways to express love: Flowers, cards, food (Italian thing), gifts, food (Jewish thing).  I was once in a relationship where whenever I thought of the words, “I love you,” and we were in a place where I couldn’t say it out loud, I would squeeze his hand.  He knew ahead of time what that meant – and it made him smile.  I was also in a relationship with someone who told me that he didn’t need to tell me he loved me because I should just know it.  (Folks, please don’t try this one at home!).  Guess we know how that ended. 🙂

Putting an “I” before anything makes it important.  “I’m hurt.”  “I’m so happy when I’m with you,” “I want to get the f*** out of here …”  (sorry, I digress!).  Sometimes it’s hard to hear someone say I love you and really have it sink in. We feel scared, unsure and vulnerable.  Sometimes people say it but they don’t love themselves enough to really mean it.  Sometimes people say it because they want something else.  And some people feel like we want to say it to everyone (and we mean it).  Ahh, it’s all so complicated, isn’t it?

I know this for sure:

This tiny sentence – “I Love You” – comprises the most powerful string of words in the world. It’s what we all long to hear. It’s what we all deserve to hear.

And, saying “I love you” really takes it from your heart to theirs.  It means something perfect in an imperfect world and likely an imperfect (but perfect) relationship.

When you examine any day of your life, how many times do you use those three words, “I love you?”  How many times do you hear it?  How is it that we said it a million times to our children but as everyone got older, we forget the importance of saying it?  Why do we shorten it – “love ya”?  Why not include the “I” and really say it and mean it every time?

So, allow me to say – Thank You – to the two people who said, “I love you” to me this week.  Both in very different contexts and both gave me the most beautiful feeling inside.  I’m still carrying it around with me and it feels as wonderful as the moment it was said.

Friends, please share this idea and say these three words – “I love you,” whenever you can.  No one grows tired of hearing it.  And frankly, can you think of a better way to start, be in the middle of, or finish a day?  I can’t!

I hope you all have an amazing weekend. XOXO

“Jessica, Can you help me get unstuck?”

I want the easy jobs.  It’s like when my mom  was dying – she didn’t ask me to keep my kitchen clean, hold down a job and raise three kids — no, she asked me to pass some legislation that she hadn’t gotten passed herself!  And now here my friend was asking me to help her do something I often have trouble doing for myself.  S***!

Two days later another friend told me that when she was trying to save her marriage she had constant headaches.  As soon as they split, the headaches left.  Her “therapist” said it was her body screaming at her to get unstuck!  Clearly something was “screaming” at me to write about this.

No matter how driven or self-aware we are, we all go through periods when we feel stuck.  Sometimes it’s easy to see: weight gain, avoidance of people and tasks, negativity and becoming critical of others (and ourselves). Sometimes, it isn’t so easy to identify. We just know, there’s some cognitive dissonance – that there are differing feelings between how we want to be and how we are. We try “just changing our mind” but it doesn’t work.  We’re stuck.

While I do have a few “tools” for untying the knotted laces I trip over at times, I’m far from knowing how to do this.  But, over a glass of wine, I’m willing to share (almost) anything!:

1. Accept it:  When we ignore the flags waving wildly in our face, we’re begging to stay stuck.  When you acknowledge the problem you go from being a passenger to the driver. Step one.

2. It will pass: When you’re in a rut it feels like you’ll never break free.  But, just understanding that this is simply a phase will take the pressure off the need to do something NOW.

3.  Exercise: Yes, this is my SOP.  But seriously, even a brisk walk helps.  You’ll be amazed how much “thinking” you can do when exercising.

4. Make a list: Write down your thoughts about X, (X being the subject you’re stuck on).  I’ve got reams of paper where I’ve written down my thoughts when I’ve felt stuck.  Lately, I’ve taken to writing on my phone (Hmmm, I hope I don’t lose my phone!).

5. Permission to feel:  I give myself permission to feel bad, scared, or even  like s***.  It allows me to be authentic and it’s a reminder that it can only get better.  Actually, when I give myself permission, I usually choose happy instead.

6. Decide you’re ready:  We often wonder if this is it …is this our destiny?  It’s not!!  If you feel stuck then you’re in the wrong place.  Align your actions with the place you want to be, visualize it, focus on how to get there and eventually you’ll find the way!

It’s normal (and ok) to get “stuck.”  But, it’s amazing getting “unstuck.”  And, when you do, you’ll feel mentally and physically healthier and happier and you’ll wonder what took you so long!

Have a great day!