Monthly Archives: January 2015

“Do you believe in soul mates?”

I long for the days when the questions from my kids were like:

  • “Why do we have to go to bed now, when it’s still light outside?”
  • “Why do we have to drink milk every day?”
  • “Why can’t I get that game for my (fill in the blank)?
  • “Why are other moms nicer than you?” – Wait!  Still get that one!

Now I get questions like this one about soul mates.  This question, however, resulted in a very interesting conversation and I thought I’d share where we ended up.

My ideas about soul mates have changed over time.  When I was younger, I didn’t believe in soul mates.  I just figured you met someone and if it worked, great.  But, as I’ve gotten old(er), I realize that there are people who come (and still will come) into my life that I know are there for a reason and with whom I will be amazingly connected.  People who I’ve likely known before and maybe will know again.  I think they are soul mates.

I also believe that some of my friends are soul mates – we are so in tune that I just know we’re together for a reason.  You know the kind of friends I’m talking about?

I told my kids that they’ll come in contact with many people throughout their lives.   Some they will be attracted to and only a few they will be so attracted to that they will want to become partners.  Why only a few?  Because I believe that when it comes to attraction, our unconscious leads us.  Love is not logical.  Love is of the soul and I think our soul knows who the “right” person is at that time.  (This is as close to religion as I’m going to get here.  We can chat about this over wine!).

Look, there are billions of people in the world and many of them could be perfectly suitable partners for us.  But one with whom you have that connection – well it takes not just that first meeting, but work, hard work and the dropping of egos.  Not everyone can do that.

And, sometimes finding your soul mate may not end the way you want – and you’re left with lessons, (sometimes painful) not a partnership. Then, (and here’s the super cool part) – you get to go out and find the next soul mate!

At the end of our talk I blurted out, “How the f*&% am I qualified to answer this question?”  Then, I paused and said, “Well, there’s one thing I know for sure:  Deep soul mate love can come at any time, in any place and at any age.  It can come more than once and more than twice.  Love is the most powerful, most amazing thing in the world.  When you have children,  you’ll really understand the connection of souls.”

So many questions and absolutely no answers.

And, with that – I hope you have an amazing start to your week!

The man sitting next to me on the plane.

Recently, I took a few much-needed days away.  On my way home, I sat next to a man from Minneapolis.  He had been in CA for a visit (parents anniversary).  He’s been off work for more than a year – work-related injury and currently has no income.  He mentioned that he didn’t have time to have dinner (as I was eating a PB sandwich), so I gave him the protein bar in my purse and my peanuts from the flight.  He was so grateful.  My heart was heavy.

We began to talk about the book I had in my lap and why I was reading it – “Peace” (when I bought it my kids said, “Really Mom? Don’t you read enough about love and peace?).

I told him that the book wasn’t really about peace as much as it was about finding ways to deal with the situations in life that aren’t peaceful – those things that are nightmares in our lives.  We all have them.  People who treat us badly or situations that are toxic.  I mentioned that my big life question lately was how can we remain full of love and positivity when things don’t seem to warrant those feelings.

He suggested that what we really need to do, to find true peace, is not to point fingers at people or situations, but rather look at how we deal with the way people treat us – and forgive the pain we experience.  This doesn’t mean letting it happen over and over again. But, the key is how we think about the person or situation — how forgiving we are.  He believes that’s how we find true internal peace.

This reminded me of the Buddhist teachings I’d read recently.  Buddhists believe that it’s important not to blame – no finger-pointing when things happen to us.  Essentially, we are the driver of our own vehicle. We are responsible for our reactions and responses (and our boundaries!). So true, right?

My new friend told me about his difficult life.  He’s faced discrimination (he’s African-American) and people have and still do treat him badly because of his color.  But rather than being angry, he realizes how uninformed they are.  He told me that feels sorry for their closed life.  And he tries to remain positive and loving even in the face of those bad situations.

We talked the whole way and just before we landed, he said “I need to tell you one thing: When stuff is bad, when someone or something is doing us wrong – that’s when we need to find the most compassion. That’s the key to peace.”

Later, when I told my kids about the conversation, they said, “Mom, you’d probably have had that kind of “meeting” with half the people on the plane if you sat with them.  You just talk to anyone.”  Out of the mouths of babes.  I’ll take it as a complement (of sorts!).  But I got a gift – a lesson more powerful than any book. Thanks friend!

Have a great weekend!