Monthly Archives: May 2015

He went to jail.

Sometimes I hesitate to write about my experiences until they’ve “settled” in my mind.  This one took place a few weeks back and my reaction threw me. So, I told no one, until recently.  And, now I’m telling you.

One afternoon I was driving on a service road a few miles from home – it’s a single lane road and as I came around the bend, I had to completely stop.  Not because of a red light – but because five police cars were blocking the road and had surrounded a black SUV.  Literally all five cars had the doors open and police officers with their guns pointed at a guy who had just stepped out of the car. “Put your hands up.”  “Lift your shirt.”  “Turn around.”  “Get on your knees.” “Hands above your head at all times.”  I was maybe two car lengths away and heard every word.

Some time during the yelling of orders, I found myself crying.  No, sobbing.  I’m frankly tired of this sobbing stuff and I’ve really got to toughen up.  I read somewhere that if I pinch myself hard enough each time I want to cry, I’ll eliminate the “want.”  Anyway, I wasn’t sure why I was so upset — I just knew I was.

Once they got him in the car and drove away, I was able to leave.  WTF, Jessica.  This guy likely did SOMETHING, for there to be five police cars.  Get a grip.  I left just exhausted and wondering if menopause had taken over my entire brain!

Yesterday, I was recounting the story for someone and I broke down again.  S***!  Then, it hit me — I felt awful that he was losing his freedom.  I mean really awful.

We take for granted our freedom and the ability to move about as we wish.  To drive, to buy, to drink, and to eat.  We forget that there are people all over the world, who are imprisoned in jails, or even in their own country.  People who are trapped in abusive relationships.  And, I know that watching someone you love go to jail  … Well, it pretty much ranks up there in the top 5 hideous life experiences.

But even more so than losing his freedom, this was someone’s baby.  Someone once held him.  Kissed him all over his face and tickled his toes.  This was someone who went the wrong way and couldn’t recalibrate.  This was the end (for now) of physically touching his family and having the warm summer breeze on his face.

It’s highly likely that this guy did something wrong.  But, I’ve really nothing here to explain my tears other than “appreciation.”  Friends, let’s be thankful that we’ve not gone a way that could result in that kind of outcome.  Let’s appreciate our bed and warm blankets.  And, let’s not take for granted that we can touch the ones we love anytime.

Life is fragile and in a second – with one decision – it can completely change.  Let’s enjoy each second today.

XO

 

Her text message.

A really good friend sent me a text message.  There was a word doc attached and she basically said to read it at my own risk because I was sure to cry.  My father told me last night that as we get older the tears flow a bit easier.  I’m thinking that’s going to be a problem for me when I’m already crying so much at this young age!

I want to give you an excerpt of this message because it’s a good reminder as we start the week.  Here’s the story she sent me:

At an airport I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together. They’d announced her plane’s departure and standing near the door, she said to her daughter, “I love you, I wish you enough.”

She said, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.” They kissed and the daughter left. A stranger saw the exchange and asked the mom about it.

The mother asked the stranger if she’d ever said good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever.  The stranger asked why the good-bye was forever.  The mother said,

“I’m old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral.”  The stranger then asked about the significance of “I wish you enough.”

The mother said, “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.”  The mom paused and then with a smile finished, “When we said ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them.  Like,

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Good-bye..”

Beautiful.

Friends, I buzzed through my weekend.  Did I say something like this to my children or the people I was with?  I’m sure not.

I have a few close friends who have either recently left us or who are struggling with a loved one doing the same.  And even if we’re all going to be here for a lot longer — it’s an easy thing to say and we should be thankful that we have time to say it over and over again.

So, I want to wish you all enough love today to put a smile on your face.

I’ll make sure I text it to my kids!  🙂

Have an amazing one!

Such a totally imperfect week.

Life isn’t meant to be easy, its meant to be lived..sometimes happy, other times rough. But with every up and down you learn lessons that make you strong. Unknown

We get up every day yet we never know for sure, what the weather will be, whether we’ll have a problem arise or not or whether it’ll be a quiet and uneventful day.  Sometimes, because life isn’t perfect, we can feel angry and in turmoil.  Every day our relationships, family, money, job, etc. bring joy and also exhaustion.

So, how do we deal with the curve balls that come our way?  How do we manage those days (or weeks in my case this week!) where we feel frustrated, discouraged, defeated, anxious, angry and down?  I think it’s in the “how” we play the entire game, not just that one curve ball when we’re at bat (keeping up with my baseball theme!).

That this week I had my share of at bats and I mostly struck out.  I hit a home run or two but mostly it was an average outing.  And, at first I let it get to me.  Feeling frustrated even when I was driving my car or waiting for a pump at the gas station.  But last night I dreamt of a situation where I felt trapped by someone and just could not get away.  I woke up thinking how horrible that felt, and then I realized that the only person who can trap me is me.  That I choose how I deal with life, my strike outs and my home runs.  I decide if I want to let it result in the mind-chatter of defeat or if I want to look forward to the next game.

There’s no question that sometimes we wake up and from the word “go” it sucks.  Got that.  But, when that happens we can let it cause the rest of our day to suck (as I did one day this week) or just shake it off and move on — not letting the incessant negative chatter become our day.

And, hey — maybe my strikeouts are really setting me up for a home run.  Maybe the reason why things happen to us that crush us is so that we can get up and do better things.  Maybe if we didn’t have the practice of defeat, we wouldn’t know how to win. (Sounds easy, but I know it’s not!)

Look, I know Jack S*** about how life works.  But, all we can do is try.  Try to be kind at the grocery store when we’re feeling pissed about the lines or our last phone call. Try to be loving to our kids when we’re mad and they already feel defeated.   Or just try to love ourselves, when our bodies and minds are not following the course we want them to.

Seriously, it’s not perfect.  But, I’d rather have imperfection than nothing at all.

Have an amazing weekend!