Monthly Archives: August 2015

“You’re all I need to get by.”

Last night I had the most interesting conversation with someone who I know will be a long-term friend.  We were discussing our past and I wondered out loud why I had one particular experience.  Her response, “Maybe it was to realize that you are all you need.”

Can we be all we need?  Of course we need others.  But, first and foremost we must love ourselves, forgive ourselves and be good to ourselves.

1. Love yourself.

We all think we have things that are wrong with us.  But if I can think of a million reasons to love you, you should too.  Somehow we need to change the message: “I’m an incomplete person because …” to “I’m an incredible person because I can ….”  And smile when we say it.

Here’s my challenge – I want to be amazed at who I am right now.  I want to look at my wrinkles and see wisdom.  I want to look at my wild hair and see fun.  I want to look at my stick arms and see strength.  We need to love ourselves – period.

I have a feeling that when we do, it will be easier for others to love us. And in turn, we can find more love and compassion for others.

2. Forgive yourself.

In order to love ourselves, to find that we are all we need, we have to forgive ourselves.  Despite our differences, the human experience of pain and joy is  similar.  But the weight on our shoulders can be diminished if we forgive (ourselves and others) instead of harboring guilt or anger.

Forgive yourself for not being perfect.  Remind yourself that others love your imperfections.  Forgive yourself for not doing or living exactly the way you thought you would.  But, remind yourself that you’re where you’re supposed to be.

3. Be good to yourself.

If you don’t take care of you, you can’t do for others.  I learned this the hard way.  For years I took care of someone else’s needs and forgot to love me.  In the end, my feet were never on the ground, I wasn’t really there for anyone and I was stuck.

Do something today for you.  Take a run or walk.  Sit on your favorite chair and surf the net for something funny.  Call your best friend. Ask someone for a hug.  Stay up all night watching Modern Family (love that show!). Doing one thing for you every day will change those negative patterns.

I once read, “Pleasure and joy are highly underrated and beating ourselves up, highly overrated.”  So true.

I used to sing this song (below) to someone else.  But, I now realize that we need to sing this to ourselves first – and the rest will come.  To my kids, remember to love yourselves … you’re amazing!

Have a wonderful day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My triggers really are my biggest learning opportunities.

This week something happened that triggered an emotional reaction from me.  It was an email from someone.  This kind of email used to trigger me more than occurred this time.  But, it caused me to think about how I let emotional triggers control me and how I see them controlling (and destroying) the lives of others.

The founder of analytical psychology Carl Jung wrote, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”  While I hate to admit this, my triggers have been my best learning experiences.  

1. What is a trigger. A trigger is an experience that draws us back into the past and causes old feelings and behaviors to arise. For example, an ice cream truck may remind you of your childhood summer vacations.  Or, a partner’s comment to you could remind (trigger) you of an unhappy situation you had in the past. We all have them and some are positive.

2. Watch for those external triggers. Some triggers are situational and some are social. Some of us eat more when stressed.  Some of us allow tense or moody people to affect our own mood. A trigger is emotional.

3. What’s causing your trigger. Almost anything can be a trigger. So much depends on what you carry with you from the past — even from your childhood.  These internal conflicts and feelings can (and will) interfere with your ability to live fully in the present moment.

4. Triggers cause us to make stupid decisions and act in stupid ways. Triggers cause us to experience a range of emotions including frustration, anger, resentment, insecurity, jealousy and defensiveness. Sometimes, triggers bring forward emotional outbursts – which never seem to come out appropriately.

I’ve watched people I love allow their emotional triggers to ruin their work and life relationships.  Don’t you know people who have exaggerated egos, arrogant behavior, aggressiveness (physical and verbal) or those who are disloyal or lie?  These people have allowed their triggers to rule their lives.  And, more often than not, those who can’t deal with their triggers often have wounded egos that haven’t healed.

When you see others acting on their triggers you may or may not be able to help them see what’s happening.  But when I’m triggered, I’m trying to remind myself that I can’t change the past and rarely can change I others.  I also have the power to control how I respond to people and events in the present moment.

I’ve decided to try to think of my triggers as a way to learn more about my life s*** (of which I have my fair share!).  I want to use triggers as a positive way to live life a bit more fully and to help me ignore the situations and people that really don’t bring me emotional happiness.  Guess I’m still a work in progress!

Have a great day!