Monthly Archives: August 2018

In a second his contagiousness was gone

A friend from law school died this week in a tragic scuba diving accident. His youngest son had his 2-year-old party scheduled for yesterday. Now they are planning a funeral instead. He and his wife had a love that was incredibly obvious and deep.

This is not a blog about “hug your children” or “live like it’s your last day.”  This is about being contagious. My friend was a rare commodity – he was contagious.  I aspire to be like that.

From the moment I met him he was a positive influencer. Some people are just like that. They don’t complain much. They often are seen with a smile and they seem to genuinely enjoy life. They listen. They are contagious in their gifts of love, compassion and respect.

For this friend, life was not always easy. But I don’t think I ever had a conversation with him – even a tough one – where he didn’t come up with some big smile and find a way to twist the negative into positive.

Here are a few things that I’ll remember about him:

  1. He was GenuineWhen you are genuine and sincere you automatically become contagious. Truth and honesty are two qualities which define a person’s legacy. Be the person others can trust. Always, tell the truth – no matter how difficult. It might seem tough in the short-term but in the long-term you will find others are the same with you.
  2.  He was Open and Loving: Love brings love. Being kind brings kindness. These are contagious. I try to keep a smile on my face when I’m running, working on my computer, driving my car, or even grocery shopping (which I won’t be doing too much in a few weeks …). When people see my smile – they smile back. Those that don’t – I smile harder. 🙂 
  3. He had Respect for Everyone: My friend was respected by so many people. When you show respect, you get it back. Respect is never forgotten.  Make it your life’s goal to treat everyone with respect, honor, and dignity – even those that do not give it back to you. I’m a believer in Karma. When you’re gone, what will you be remembered for?
  4. He Gave his Heart Generously: When we give of ourselves  we start a cycle of positivity and love. We receive the internal personal reward of peace, happiness, and harmony. But we give it out as well and that is contagious. The people we miss the most after they die are the ones that gave love unconditionally and without judgment.

I try not to have “life goals” I just try to be. But if I were to choose life goals, these would be at the top of my list.

I have a lot on my plate right now. My boys are leaving in days (not weeks). My friend has died at 51. And I’m about to celebrate another year on this amazing planet. Life’s totally interesting and unpredictable. Thankfully, we’re all in it together.

Be contagious.

XOXO

Is this the home stretch or the start line?

So, I’m here. Just weeks away from being an empty nester. Two are leaving at one time. Regardless, the effect is the same – it’s me and the dust bunnies left behind. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought over the summer. What’s next? Is this the end? Is it the beginning? Or is it something in between?

Last week I found myself crying in the shower. I’d be lying if I said I recalled the thought that brought me to tears. I was likely nothing more than: “I won’t have as much garbage anymore so maybe I should reduce my container size.” To my friends who are in this same spot — you know what I’m talking about! At that moment, I did what most self-respecting moms would do. I left the shower on, grabbed my towel and dripped water all the way to the kitchen where I said to my son, sobbing – “I’m going to miss you so much!” He looked up from his cereal bowl with a smile and said, “I’m going to miss you too, Mom. Get back in the shower.” Out of the mouths of babes. 🙂

If I were to dissect his statement (and why the freak not – what else am I going to be doing with my time??) – he was saying just what I’ve been thinking lately – Nothing changes. Yes, my kids will be living elsewhere. But we are still a family. We will still have crazy things happening. We will still have joys and sorrows. We will still have as much love as we have now. And, I still need a full shower every day.

I’ve gotten a lot of well-intentioned advice on this stage of my life. Having done this once before – I know I’ll survive. I survived the death of my mother when my boys were babies. I survived divorce. I survived raising three. But there is little question that this train is out of the station and there’s no stopping it. All my feelings won’t change the reality – we’re moving to a new normal.

One thing I know for sure is that the exhaustion (emotional and physical) leading up to this moment will result in some sense of relief on the other side – for all of us. Let’s be honest – we’re all a bit curious about what’s on that other side.

So, to my friends who are in the weeks leading up to this event … feel what you want to feel. There’s no right or wrong. My mom sobbed dropping me off and I sobbed dropping my daughter off. We’re all still (relatively) normal despite the tears.

Go ahead. Feel it all. I’ll be here for you when you need me (and you the same, I’m sure!). Look for me at all the new places I never had time to try before (and maybe shedding a few tears at the same time!)

To be continued …

XOXO

Jessica