I was out for a run Wednesday with my peeps (shout out to my running family!) and finished my last couple of miles myself. As I was wrapping up my last mile, I passed a woman. She was bundled up in a way I didn’t expect as it was rather nice out. Her head was down and I passed her as she was going the same way I was (so I just saw her back). She was walking very slowly and I said, “hi” as I passed by.

On my way back I saw her still walking—incredibly slowly (now I was running toward her) and she looked awful. Clearly crying and IDK, there was just something about her. I’ve seen so many videos on my feed lately with people sending messages like “help me,” that I felt the need to stop. I did and simply asked if I could help. This woman (now I could see she was a young woman) looked up. I asked again, “Can I help?”

Turns out, her story is my story, is your story…

Her mom died about 4 months ago in a house nearby (she pointed somewhere but I was unfamiliar with the neighborhood). It was her last parent alive. She had lived with her mom while she was sick and every morning she would take a walk along this street. She would watch the cars whiz by and listen to the leaves in the trees and pray that her mom would be ok. Since her mom’s death, she has come back to the house every morning and walks the same walk. She says she’s late for work every day but (she’s crying now) she feels so afraid to not come and do this same walk every day … afraid it will cause her to forget her mother.

Oh man. I had no idea what to say. She acknowledged that this could not go on forever but she could not stop this walk. I hesitated for a moment (and what rushed through my mind was that I have forgotten my own mom’s voice … a fact that quickly caused me to choke up). I then reminded her that it is not a betrayal of her memories of her mom, to change the morning walk. I told her that when I feel sad, and I still do, I try to look for clues or signs that my mom is still “with” me. S***, I felt at a total loss. I wish I had more in that moment. I hugged her and finished my run.

Later that day, in a totally weird quirk of fate (and not at all in my plan for the day), I ended up at the food co-op which was the last place my mom ate before she died. It was her favorite place to shop. How strange … I almost never go there. I didn’t realize what was happening until as a left someone who was outside asking for money on the street said “Have a special day.” Something my mom used to say.

Here I thought I met that woman earlier for her … but maybe it really was for me.

Give yourself grace on a day you are sad about someone who is no longer here. Thank them for giving you a moment to think about and love them even though they are gone.

Thanks mom! I may have forgotten your voice, but I get that you are still with me every day.

XOXO

Jessica