You don’t have to admit it, but I bet we’ve all played the game of hide the ball in our relationships. We hold back and protect ourselves from the fear of getting hurt. This is true for all kinds of our relationships. I’m good at that game. Sure, there are many times (most times) where I’m an open book – sometimes too much so! 🙂 What you see is what you get. But that’s not always true and when I’m afraid, I bring forth my portable Great Wall of China.
Intellectually I know we must take the risk of being open and allow other people to jump in and learn who we really are — to experience us. The focus of any strong and full relationship with a partner, has to include a focus on honesty, clear communication and transparency.
What is transparency? It’s being so completely open and honest that the person on the other side feels safe and comfortable in the relationship. It’s about building trust so that no matter what happens in life, you know you can rely on the other person. Sounds amazing, right?
The 6 million dollar question is how to be transparent. How to see when we are not being transparent. I key, I think (from my lawyer, single mom chair) is to keep your love for the person in front of you and to stay open even when you are afraid. It’s also to avoid even the appearance that you are not in, not committed to whatever, the relationship or even a conversation, . I once read a quote which has stuck with me, “It’s not enough just to be good, you have to look good, too. Otherwise, you actually create fears and doubts solely out of appearances, rather than resolving them and building trust.”
I’ve found that even with my kids, I have to be transparent about my thoughts and feelings. When I’m not, they don’t trust my words and they don’t buy in to the situation. However, when I am honest – really, more open about my feelings (and clear), they feel more safe and secure in our relationship and what I’m saying. The same is true for a love relationship.
So, today I’m going to start taking down my Great Wall (It’ll be slow so be patient!). I think that will allow for more depth and heart in all my relationships. I guess that’s what I’m doing here – sharing the good and the totally not-so-good s*** about me.
Have a fantastic Wednesday!