My fear of change caused me to lose it (again) in a very quite place …

I went back to yoga last night.  I took the summer off from going to class.  And, why not?  Summer is a beautiful time of the year and training allows me to be outside.  But, now it’s getting colder (although I did get a balmy and beautiful 6 mile run in this morning) and it’s time to head back inside.

As you know, I don’t often take quiet time for myself.  Things are moving pretty fast for me, not only in my professional life, but in my personal life as well.  Moreover, I am watching the absolutely screaming speed at which my kids are growing up.  My daughter is now communicating with rowing coaches from D1 schools and I can see the writing on the wall.  My boys are really young men … those are the things that caused me to lose it last night.

In those final moments of yoga class, when you are supposed to release everything in your body, I began to think about change.  Is it possible I won’t be single forever?  What’s it going to be like when my kids go off to college.  Will everyone in my life be there in five years?  I started to cry.

Why can’t things just stay the same?  The people in my life, my kids being here?  Do I have to keep getting older? 🙂

I get the whole change thing.  And, I get that I will love the next phase.  But, can’t I just keep it still for a bit?  Don’t you ever wonder about that?

Maybe this is coming up because I can see big changes on the horizon.  Maybe because at that moment I wasn’t moving 1,000 miles per hour.  Or maybe, I got scared because I just love this moment.  The one right now.  I like the way it is.  Maybe I was that way last year too.  Maybe I loved that moment as well.

What ever the reason, life’s already changed from last night to today.  So, I didn’t get my wish.  But, I did get to read this to my son this morning who said, “It’s good but it’s sad, how fast life goes. I guess we gotta enjoy it.”  He’s so right.

Have a wonderful day.

One response to “My fear of change caused me to lose it (again) in a very quite place …

  1. I love that your kids read these as well. Cool.

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