I am not one for New Year’s resolutions. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m afraid of failure. Of not meeting my “goals” for the year. I’ve typically avoided the topic and when asked, I smile and say, “To make it to next year.”
What’s my problem? I make lists, so why not resolutions? It’s the same principle. Plan something, do it and cross it off the list. But, this year, I thought I wanted to have a resolution. One thing on my “list” — being a more patient mom and in particular with one of my sons.
This son has a lot of my traits. He looks like me. Is emotional like me. Can swear (almost) like me. And, is passionate like me. He will always put others first … sometimes to his own detriment. Case in point: Recently, my ex got two tickets to the Packers/Vikings game in GB. He could only take one of the boys. Before my ex could even get the notion out of his mouth, this son abdicated any right to the ticket and suggested his brother. He really is so generous.
But, we clash. Maybe because we are so alike. He has no room or margin for error, either for himself or for me. I too quickly lose my mojo when he’s upset and we are off to the races.
A few weeks back we talked and I said, “Look, I want to be a more patient mom to you.” He grunted, “You give us a roof, food and send us to Blake. That seems like enough.” “Yes, I suppose,” I said. “But I want to stop losing it with you. Instead, I want to keep my cool when you are losing it with me!” He looked at me, smiled, and said he wanted to do better at that too. There it was … my New Year’s resolution. Yet, as would be the case for most resolutions — we couldn’t even keep our “promise” from the date of our conversation until December 31, 2013!
Here’s my take. Life is messy. Parenting is messy. I can try to be a more patient mom and sometimes that will happen and sometimes it won’t. I can’t beat myself up about it. And, I shouldn’t make that a goal for the year. It should just be a work in progress every day that I am fortunate enough to be his mother. I guess that’s been my take on the resolution thing as well. We should always be striving to exercise, love our partner, ignore the stupid stuff that bugs us, hug people more and laugh out loud. Who needs a list when life is right in front of us?
So, welcome 2014. I’m not sure the universe even noticed the change but at least it gives us a chance to pause, breath and keep moving forward.
Cheers to a happy and healthy new year!