I know I’ve brought this up before, but after spending 55 minutes in the pool yesterday brooding about things over which I have no control (and not really having the mind-clearing swim I was hoping for), I decided that this topic was worth another blog (or 137 more blogs):
I have issues with control.
I use a lot of perfectly good energy trying to plan, predict, and prevent things that I cannot plan, predict, or prevent. For example, I worry about how my kids are going to do in school or whether they are getting enough down time. I think about my work, will I ever get another client again (ok, I know every lawyer worries about that!) or will I win that motion? I analyze the weather a lot. In other words, I spend a lot of time in business that’s not mine. The kids’ business, Mother Nature’s business … and the judge’s business!
I believe that we try to control things because we think something bad will happen if we don’t (that’s good ole’ fear talking). And, I believe we try to control things because we think we know the best outcome (that’s a big ego statement!) . The truth is that we never know the “best” outcome and frankly, we have to trust we will be ok no matter what the outcome is. The irony of controlling things is that we actually feel less in control when we are obsessing or trying to micro-manage a situation.
Remember, control freaks want to manage before something happens rather than dealing with life after it happens!
I once found this example, which really seemed to fit for me: “When I become aware that I’m in control mode, I imagine that I’m in a small canoe paddling upstream, against the current. It’s hard. It’s a fight. When I choose to let go and surrender, I visualize the boat turning around, me dropping the oars, and gently floating downstream.”
Right now I’ve got a friend who has completely shut himself off from me. It’s hard because I want to help, support, just be there. But, that’s how he manages his problems. And, I have to let go and understand that each person makes his/her own choices – even choices that hurt others. But, no matter how painful it might be, I have to let go, because I have no control over how someone wants to treat me …
I only have control over my own feelings and emotions.
This is my big life lesson.
I do believe that the universe is here to support me and the ones I love. And, because of that I should focus on my own feelings and emotions and trust that no matter what happens, I will be able to a manage anything that comes my way.
So, I’m going to continue to work at letting go. To focus my energy on the beauty of life and the amazing people in it. Somehow, life will unfold as it should … even without my fingers in the pot!
Have a really fantastic day!