So, with 50 in the rearview mirror, I’m a little more conscious about what I wear.  I have not changed the all black, all the time look but I’m a bit more careful to not look too “young.”  A few weeks back a friend made a Minnesota passive/aggressive comment about my boots.  It made me think about what I was wearing (he was wrong BTW!).  So, I did a bit of digging and found a list (and added some of my own) of things I (we?) should probably never wear post-50.  Sorry guys, some (but not all) of these are items are for women:

• Juicy sweatpants or anything with writing on the backside, including Hollister (which is the name not just of a clothier but also of a company that makes colonic irrigation supplies).
• Miniskirts, mini-shorts, anything to wear that’s been deliberately diminished. Or deliberately ripped — unless it’s you and your muscles.
• “Strappy” heels. Yes, they’re cute but your daughter is wearing them to prom.
• Super low-rise pants that showcase a lot of low-rise anatomy. In some critical places, (like in back) more really is better.
• Super-tight skinny jeans, even if you are both.
• T-shirts that say “Sexy Grandpa,” “Vote for Ozzy” or the t-shirt gift from AARP.  A tee should not have a voice.
• Fishnets.
• Thigh-high boots.
• Thigh-high boots with stiletto heels.
• Plunging V-neck shirts. Plunging V-neck sweaters. Plunging anything.
• See-through tops. This is really true for everyone, men, women and movie stars.
• See-through bottoms. Need I say more?
• Pajama bottoms during the day, outside the house.
• Gold chains with your name on them.
• Gold chains with anyone’s name on them.
• Gold chains.
• Chains.
• Those big eye doctor sunglasses as your every day sunglasses.
• Speedos and thong bikinis (unless you really can pull it off … I mean that in the appropriate way!).