He asked me why I was wearing “those” boots.

So, with 50 in the rearview mirror, I’m a little more conscious about what I wear.  I have not changed the all black, all the time look but I’m a bit more careful to not look too “young.”  A few weeks back a friend made a Minnesota passive/aggressive comment about my boots.  It made me think about what I was wearing (he was wrong BTW!).  So, I did a bit of digging and found a list (and added some of my own) of things I (we?) should probably never wear post-50.  Sorry guys, some (but not all) of these are items are for women:

  • Juicy sweatpants or anything with writing on the backside, including Hollister (which is the name not just of a clothier but also of a company that makes colonic irrigation supplies).
  • Miniskirts, mini-shorts, anything to wear that’s been deliberately diminished. Or deliberately ripped — unless it’s you and your muscles.
  • “Strappy” heels. Yes, they’re cute but your daughter is wearing them to prom.
  • Super low-rise pants that showcase a lot of low-rise anatomy. In some critical places, (like in back) more really is better.
  • Super-tight skinny jeans, even if you are both.
  • T-shirts that say “Sexy Grandpa,” “Vote for Ozzy” or the t-shirt gift from AARP.  A tee should not have a voice.
  • Fishnets.
  • Thigh-high boots.
  • Thigh-high boots with stiletto heels.
  • Plunging V-neck shirts. Plunging V-neck sweaters. Plunging anything.
  • See-through tops. This is really true for everyone, men, women and movie stars.
  • See-through bottoms. Need I say more?
  • Pajama bottoms during the day, outside the house.
  • Gold chains with your name on them.
  • Gold chains with anyone’s name on them.
  • Gold chains.
  • Chains.
  • Those big eye doctor sunglasses as your every day sunglasses.
  • Speedos and thong bikinis (unless you really can pull it off … I mean that in the appropriate way!).
Of course, there is the inevitable old(er) person issue where I continue (even last night) to learn that I’ve put on a t-shirt inside out, or have two different black boots on at the office or my brown belt with my black outfit.  S*** there’s so much to remember!  I might need some help here!
Have a great day!

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