Last week was pretty rough. I’ve been trying to help someone (to which my efforts have gone south), stuff with kids (always), one of my wonderful friend’s husband has gone in to hospice and … well, you get the picture. So, yesterday afternoon I decided to write a blog post about joy (you’ll get why when I post it later this week) — but I just couldn’t put the finishing touches on it so I decided to go for a bike ride.
At the 1/2 way mark I stopped at a bench to check my phone (no comments please!). Just as I stopped, two guys stopped too. One quickly got off his bike and started to unpack his back pack — flowers, music, a small box. I was mesmerized. And as the guys noticed me, one smiled and said, “It’s ok to stay.” Then, I watched as M (no names, remember?!), got down on his knee and proposed to his partner, T. T said YES and as he started to cry, so did I! What is more beautiful than love?? 🙂
They told me that they’d been together for 11 years and wanted to get married since year two. When the law changed, and they first had the chance, everyone else was doing it, so they waited for the anniversary of their first date – yesterday. They told me of their ups and downs in life, coming out, meeting one another, the struggles of any relationship and finally getting to have what other couples have had for years – the opportunity to say they’re married and commit to the enormity (and beauty) of that institution.
When I asked what got them through the tough times, they said that they promised, from the very beginning, to be best friends and put the other one first. Wow – someone was sending me a message there.
Relationships really are tough stuff. And, if you aren’t friends or don’t treat your partner with the care that you use with your friends … it will never, ever work. M and T have an agreement to never say anything in anger without first checking their own feelings and examining whether they are based on their own s*** rather than something the other is doing. I have experience (not so positive on the receiving end) in this department. Maybe some of you do too.
They talk about feelings not what they “want” from the other person. They are always looking to make the other person feel better first – which in turn makes them both feel better. This is what I’m talking about!
I likely spent more time at the bench than my whole ride. But who cares. It was such a beautiful and lovely way to spend a Sunday afternoon.
This experience, my fantastic friends, gave me immense joy and helped me finish my upcoming post on that very topic!
Have a wonderful start to your week!