I had a great weekend: I watched a lot of baseball, my daughter got an invitation to the US Junior National camp in Connecticut and I got to run and swim with friends. While all gifts, that’s not the one in my title. Actually, I got something even better and totally unexpected.
Last night a friend called. He was in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by. He promised it would only take 5 minutes.
When he arrived, he seemed pretty excited about something, so I made iced tea and we sat outside. He told me that he had been reading some of my blog posts from my first site (he’s new to my blog world) and came across one last week that changed his life.
My friend is in year two of a divorce. It’s been contentious and they are headed to trial. They have children. The blog he read was on forgiveness and putting the person you love first rather than your own emotions.
He told me that the blog made him think differently about his future ex-wife. That all of a sudden he saw that the anger he’s been steeped in for the years of his marriage and now divorce are clouding his ability to have compassion.
My blog post apparently suggested that when letting go, you have to first let go of your own ego. Let go of your own hurt and forgive the person you think is “creating” the reason for your anger. You must remember it is your anger. You control it (or you let it control you).
So, yesterday, he went to his wife’s house and left a letter asking her for forgiveness. He got rid of the blame. He got rid of the anger. And, he put himself out there in a vulnerable way.
Two hours later, she called him. This was the first time they had talked about anything other than money or the kids. She thanked him. Told him how hurt she was and how difficult this change was for her. Instead of getting defensive, he said he understood, asked what he could do for her and again asked for forgiveness.
Sitting there with me, he started to cry. He said that he realized that he had to let go of his anger and hurt and find his compassion for her. That he would always have memories with her and children.
I’m certain my blog didn’t give him this much direction, but I took it as a gift anyway. A gift that I got to experience two people finding a way to connect – despite anger and pain – through forgiveness and love.
I think it’s a lesson for all of us. The energy used for anger is so much more than the energy used for forgiveness. So why not find forgiveness more often.
Have a great start to your week!