Unfriending (a verb) the selfish person.

I’ve written about my faults or those things I’d like to change about myself.  Some are relatively easy (run faster, sleep more, travel more, etc.), some are more difficult.  Some are ingrained.

Here’s one: I am too trusting and too giving.  And, I get myself in trouble being this way.

I know a few selfish people.  Those people who are so focused on their own world, their own survival that they will hurt or step on those around them to get their needs met.  These people seek out trusting and giving people.

Selfish people are often nice and lovable at first.  We’ve all likely been in love with these people.  We’ve had them as friends, partners and co-workers.  Unfortunately, the traits of a selfish person aren’t easy to notice, because they cover their darker side so well.  But as the relationship grows, and so does your attachment and trust, these selfish people begin to suck the happiness out of you, and you end up watching helplessly.

Selfish people don’t go looking for people to hurt but they do look for those that they know will give and give and give.  Because these people need and need and need.

Although I’m not a therapist (thankfully!), I do have some ideas on stopping the selfish person from hurting us (blogging these ideas is one thing … using them is another!):

1.  Realization: Realizing that the person you’ve committed to or are friends with, is using you is a tough one.  You first must accept and admit to the problem.

2. Detachment: If you are not happy in the relationship (and no one is all the time), then something is wrong.  It’s not easy to break away from a selfish person, especially when (you think) they mean so much to you. You must learn to detach very slowly.  This is a daily and conscious process.

3. Retain You.  Retain who you are and that will win out.  Changing to meet someone else’s needs won’t.  The interesting thing is that selfish people are not selfish with everyone and in fact they often remind you what a good person they are.  Eventually, you begin to think its you.  But it’s not you.  It’s them.  Often you need to move away in bits and pieces until you are ready to say – “good-bye” and mean it.  For the giver – this is the most difficult part.

I’m thankful for the learning experiences of loving selfish people.  It has helped me appreciate the giving part of me.  And, it’s taught me that you can’t build a relationship with a selfish person because they just don’t have the ability to love you or care for you.  It’s all about them.

So, despite my pollyiannish view of life, I say this …

Why even bother trying!!?? 🙂  Next!

Have a great day!

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