I try to make a difference in the lives of others.  But what about me?  Am I taking care of making a difference in my own life?

I’ve been reading a book about fear (Susan Jeffers) and making changes in the face of those feelings.   My take away: We are the one (and only) person who can make a difference in our life.  We really are in control of our own happiness or misery.

For example, sometimes I allow my kids’ moods to frustrate me – that gives them control.  Clearly, I chose to stay in a destructive relationship for too long – I gave that power to someone else.  And, at times, I’ve let people affect how I felt about myself or something I was doing.  Why do we let other people have power over our lives rather than taking the power back where it rightly belongs?

Because it’s difficult to accept the fact that we’re the cause of the feelings we are feeling.

Don’t you think it’s easier to blame something else for our feelings?  If I say, “He did XX to me and that was really awful,” I don’t have to be responsible for my actions – staying when he did something awful.  People will do awful things to us.  And there’s no excuse. But let’s not allow ourselves to be the victim of someone else.  Let’s take control of our own happiness.

This is true in any situation.  I have a couple of friends who are unhappy in their jobs.  They stay because of money, fear, etc.  But, I want them to ponder this:

What am I not doing in my life that I could be doing that I’m blaming my job for not giving me?  

The key is figuring out what you want in life and acting on it.  What kind of job do you want?  What kind of relationship do you want with your kids, with your parents and with your partner?  That job is likely giving us all it can.  If we want more, we have to move on.  That unhealthy relationship?  Likely our partner is giving us all they’re capable of giving us. We can stay in an unhealthy relationship, deal with it or move on to someone who is capable of a healthy relationship.  You are in control of that choice.  You can make a difference in your own life.

My mantra (on my fridge!):

Be aware of the many choices you have – in both actions and feelings – in any situation that comes your way.  Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes you feel at peace with yourself and others.  Susan Jeffers

Have a great day!