His partner died and they never married. Regret?

Last week I met someone.  A single someone who talked with me about his partner who died.  When they met, they couldn’t get married.  And when they could, they decided that they had such a good thing, they didn’t see the need for anything different, just because the law finally changed.

He told me that they were soul mates.  That it was a difficult road initially but once they finally let go of their egos (and they both had them), their life was more than they could have hoped for. Then he died.  Suddenly.  And here he was, talking to me, now single again.

I had to ask if he had any regrets.  Because as we all know, our life decisions are either based on love or fear.  So, when we look back, we want our decisions to be based on the former because we’ll have regrets if we base our actions on fear.  Right?  He had none. Not even the decision not to get married.  That decision  was based on love.

This reminded me of something I read recently – a study by Bronnie Ware, a palliative caretaker who looked at those heavy days when people are close to leaving us.  She examined what were the biggest life regrets.  You know, if you were to die today, what would be your paramount regret?

Here’s her list:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. 

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

Of course, it’s never too soon (!) to make changes – regardless of your health.  And, my conversation with this person was a good reminder to me.  Don’t live (or die) with regrets. 

Before we parted, I told him about my life, what’s happened to me thus far, and where (I think) I’m going.  He reminded me that it’s so easy for us to love one another when we’re at our best.  But those who truly love you – they will love you and treat you as valuable to their life even when you’re not at your best.

But the best of all, he said, is when you meet someone when you’re at your worst, and they still respect and love you.  Now those are the best friends/lovers of all.  That’s what he had with his partner.  And, with a hug, he said that’s what I’ll have too.  How wonderful of him.  What an amazing way to spend an hour.  So, I wanted to share that hour with you.

Friends, let’s live just one day this weekend without any regrets!  Love without fear.  Express your feelings.  Try something new.  Give someone a hug that will last forever.  And take a moment just for yourself.

XOXO

 

 

 

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