After a friend berated me (lovingly) for not writing for so long, she asked me where I’ve been. She said that my posts have helped her stand up for herself, take chances and take care of herself. And she missed me. (sweet!)
I’d been thinking about this, berating myself for taking a writing break – wondering what was “wrong” with me. Eventually I realized that leaving (what I thought was) the comfort of a big firm, going out on my own and creating a business from the ground up was physically and mentally exhausting. It took all the juice I had in me. But this blog is not about where I was. That’s history. I’m going a different direction now.
Last week I ran into someone from long ago. We were different people back then. He drank too much and smoked too much. I was searching to find myself. It was well before law school and even before I’d finished college. Sometime between then and now he hit bottom. DWI, jail and failed relationships. Today, he has his masters. He counsels young adults on just what he experienced. He’s found his life’s mission.
I wondered aloud about why we have to go through so much s*** to get to where we’re going. His message was powerful:
“Jess, I see a lot of pain in life. So many people who are in emotional or physical pain. We need each other and we need to hold one another’s pain as precious. And, when we do, we’ll find our own safe place with a clear view of our life’s direction.”
Later, as was thinking of him, I realized that I had tears streaming down my face. What I loved about this guy back then was how good he was inside. That’s the kind of goodness that never leaves – no matter your direction. Then, as if coming from someone standing next to me, my inner voice said:
Sometimes, we feel as though we’re riding our bicycle backwards. We feel like we’re backtracking and heading in the wrong direction, but really what’s happening is that, just like a sling shot, the universe is getting ready to shoot us forward. You have to go backwards so that you can go even farther forward!
Yes! For years I was riding backwards. I could see it was backwards but I let the bike control me. Then, last year, I asked the universe to get me the f*** off that backward bike. I wanted to go a different direction. And lo and behold (and with the support of others), my bike is going an entirely different direction!
Maybe you feel like your bike is going backward. If so, let it go for a bit. Feel it. And, when you are absolutely sick of that freaking direction ask the universe to get in gear and get you off. Think about it. Put it out there. I bet the results will be amazing!
Thanks for putting up with my absence.