Is a loss the same as any other loss?

Many of us are experiencing the loss of a great artist.  Much too soon but how lucky we all were, right?  I smile thinking about his music and how much I love it.

Last night I was with some of my closest friends.  We spent a bit of time talking about our lives.  Two of my friends are going through very serious losses (one whose husband is ill and the other whose husband is no longer her husband).  As they talked about how losses can be the same, I realized that losses really aren’t the same (but I wasn’t sure I could articulate it so I said nothing.)

Do you think I’m crazy wrong here?  I’m thinking that the loss of a husband – to whom you are the wife, is different from the loss of a parent, to whom you were their child.  And, the loss of a spouse in a divorce is very different from the loss of a long-term job.  Yes, all are about letting go – but all are different too.

Loss is as much a part of our human existence as breathing.  There are those losses that we shrug off (we lose an earring or a wallet) and those that completely blow us out of the water – like a parent dying.

This morning, I dug out my “Get Real About Grief” Affirmations, which I’ve needed a few times:

1.  Each day of grief will be different. You’re entitled to grieve each and every loss, each and every day as an individual.

2. Losses are not like purchasing limits on your credit card. You are not limited in the number of losses that you need to mourn and you should not let anyone place limits on your process for grieving.  Feel all your feelings.

3. Just as with t-shirts, one grief process really does not “fit all.”  Let no one convince you otherwise.

“Grief can be a bittersweet beauty,” says Robert A. Neimeyer, Psychology Professor at the University of Memphis. “It’s not something to be banished. It is a human experience to be lived, to be shared, and to be understood and used.”  I guess that’s what many have been doing these last few days.

So, my friends, bask in this time.  Show your children how beautiful loss can be. The exquisite process of remembering people, things, songs, and love.  This will be our children some day.  And, our process of grief is but one memory they will take with them about us, as they experience their own thing called life.

Have a beautiful day.

XOXO

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