I’m really excited to be such an enigma as a mom.  I thought we were all alike but seems as if my kids have decided that I’m a lone wolf.  The only mom who has certain rules and requirements at home.  Let me enumerate the differences between me and (apparently) all other moms:

  1. “You’re the only mom who cares what time their kids go to sleep.  Other moms let their kids decide.”  I had no idea my friends were letting their kids stay up until the 22nd rerun of Sponge Bob came on at 5 am.  No wonder my kids are so uneducated – they’re not getting the full raising of the intellectual consciousness of this country by the “discussions” between Sponge Bob and Patrick.  I wonder if any of our presidential candidates could raise their level of consciousness by staying up and watching Sponge Bob?
  2. “Other moms close their kid’s door when their room is messy and don’t make them pick it up.” Ohhhh.  That’s what I’m missing.  The old close-the-door trick.  I was thinking of the old take-the-door-off-the-hinge trick.  You moms are so enlightened to not ask for the room to be picked up!
  3. [In the same vein] “You’re the only mom who wants wet towels off the floor of their kids’ room.”  I’m going to start running around the house naked yelling, “There are no towels around here!”  I’m thinking if my kids have to see that, they’ll quickly pick up the towels, do the laundry and maybe even fold.
  4. “Other moms let their kids go to parties and don’t need to call the parents of the place they’re going.”  So, I just need to trust my kids and the 62 other kids who will be attending this “hanging-out thing.”  Because there’s no question that I never had parties when my parents were gone.  And there’s no way that s*** happens at these parties that could get them in trouble.  Yes, that’s a good point – learn to trust all the kids I don’t know and even the ones I do and not keep track of what’s happening. (Hear that throwing up sound? That’s me.)
  5. “Just because my music is so loud that you can hear me coming down the street before you can see my car, doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention.” No response other than, “Give me the F***ing car keys until the various factions on this issue agree to vote for my referendum of careful and respectful driving.” I win.
  6. “Why do you need to tell me to do my homework. I know I have homework.” I know you know. But I know that you are caught up in the internet, the phone and Snap Chat.  Maybe other moms don’t know about social media. G-d knows we don’t freaking talk enough about it as parents.

I guess there are a lot of really lucky children with moms who are way nicer than me.  Sorry, kids.  You drew the short straw in this lifetime.  🙂

Love ya!  Mom