I listened to services yesterday via zoom and the Rabbi talked about being at her daughter’s wedding and breaking a plate. As she spoke of the significance of the experience, I knew what she was talking about. I could tell she felt it so deeply, and I in turn, felt the same thing.

First let me explain the tradition: Generally, at the wedding of your child, the mother and mother-in-law break a plate–a symbolic rending of mother-child ties, and an acknowledgment that soon their children will be feeding each other. In other words, the bond that the mother and child had, will soon form between the newlyweds. There are so many really cool traditions in Judaism! I’ll have to write about a few others.

While my kids are not getting married anytime soon (gratefully so!), I feel like I am (in a quiet way) breaking plates with my kids. I’m finding that we are changing the bonds between us. For those friends whose kids have just left for their first year of college, the bonds with your children will actually grow during college.

I find that we are more open, more emotional, and less afraid to share our feelings. We’ve become more interdependent rather than dependent. I’ve become more of an advisor, rather than an authority. Also, we are less afraid to speak our mind about the other’s behavior, knowing or actually finally realizing, that when we talk with one another (sometimes passionately) it’s really because we care.

So, I’m smashing plates. But I’m also picking up the pieces and putting them together in a whole new way. It’s exciting! Plus, who doesn’t want a whole new set of dishes??