My daughter came home for the weekend. Ostensibly to hang with her dog. Of course, I had my own motivations. I was looking for some time with her, to talk about life and school and … But, that did not happen. Neither Lily nor I spent any significant time with her. She was out and about (which honestly makes sense for a 24 year old). It left me with an expectation hangover.

Apparently the universe helped me understand and manage what happened this weekend because last month I read the book Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler.

In her book Hassler says, what we likely already know, that when our expectations are met and things go according to plan, we feel great with a sense of accomplishment and pride! But when life does not live up to our plan, we end up with an expectation hangover. This particular feeling is sobering and uncomfortable.

Life is like this (life being a parent is for sure like this!). Maybe you took on a project that was supposed to be fulfilling, but it wasn’t. Maybe you poured your energy into a race, only to not meet your goal. Or, you planned a family vacation and s*** happened that you didn’t plan! If there’s something I know a lot about (raising three kids as a single parent, practicing law, etc.), things (with kids) almost never go as planned.

Before I read this book, I didn’t have a great word to put on these feelings. But, I have tried to use these expectation hangovers to my advantage. They have often led me to new ways to look at situations, change how I am living, parenting or planning. I leads me to laugh (after swearing) at the insanity that is typically my planning and expectations!

So, this weekend didn’t turn out as I “planned.” But it was still so awesome to see my daughter and it led me to a conversation with her, which was real and transparent. Unplanned but powerful for our relationship.

I love you honey bunny!! Thanks for the visit and for allowing me to cry (yet again) at the airport when I said good-bye.


Mom (Jessica)