I’m not sure what’s happening around here. This week a large buck walked right through my yard. The neighbor had a rabid raccoon “removed” from their back yard, and the wild turkeys are every freaking where.

When these large crazy birds I usually shoo them out of my yard and my dog (who is generally quite passive) likes to stalk them until they make a screaming noise and run away.

Today I saw a white pick up pull up in front of my house. I’m on a zoom call so I need to excuse myself as a guy in a camo jacket comes to my door. He says he’s from the DNR and that people have complained about the turkeys in our neighborhood. He’s wondering if he can shoo the turkeys out of my yard. I look out and sure enough, there about 6 or 7 picking some berries out of my grass. He tells me that he is going to try to get them to the park down the street and “take care of them.” Honestly, I was so tied up in what was happening on my call that I just said, “Sure. Go ahead.”

I could see him then getting the turkeys out of my yard and then I saw them run the other direction. This was about 10:30 today. After my call I started to wonder, who was that guy? What are you kidding me that the DNR is sending someone to “take care of” the turkeys? Where the hell were they when the coyotes were chasing me and Lily? When I called the DNR back then they told me that they don’t come out and kill animals but that if it got bad, they could use a drone to get the pack of coyotes to move along – away from where they were. So, the DNR is coming to “take care of” the turkeys? Right before Thanksgiving? Something seemed suspicious.

So, I did what any self-respecting complete-lack-of-trust (job fatality!) kind of person would do … I called the DNR. The person I spoke with told me about these turkeys. First, they are every f***ing where, updown, downtown, Burnsville, … everywhere. They’re also strong and fast. Turkeys can sustain a run at 25 miles an hour—outpacing Usain Bolt—and in flight, they reach speeds of 55 miles per hour. This is why our mail carrier said that they are injured more often by turkeys then dogs! WTF!?

She also told me that they don’t “take care of” wild turkeys. That she is certain they didn’t dispatch someone to our neighborhood. She also told me that turkeys are a protected game species subject to MN DNR regulations and that they City ordinance prohibits the discharge of firearms in the City, with the exception being bow and arrow used according to the City’s bowhunting ordinance. Hmm. I saw no bow and arrow. She said this guy had to be a total fake.

Of course, by 5:00 the freaking turkeys were back in my yard. I’m not sure who this dude was … faking his association with the DNR to do g-d knows what with the turkeys. Out of all the things I might fake being … it would not be someone working for the DNR … Just another head-shaking day in my world. 🙂