theyearsafter50

Today is Mother’s Day. It’s the day when sons and daughters across the country, and world, celebrate and thank their mothers for all that they do every day. Today, however, is different from any other Mother’s days we have had. It is the last one of an era (as one of the twins likes to say). The last one before I go off to college and won’t get the chance to see and thank you every day. So, I want to take this opportunity to show how grateful I am to have you as a mom.

You are compassionate, kind and loving to every one you meet. As many of your friends and blog readers have realized, you are never quick to judge others and you will help any one at the drop of a dime (even if it means sacrificing something for yourself).

A long the same lines, it is so difficult to go anywhere with you because you seem to know at least 10 people at any given place, or you get to know someone in the check-out line, the baseball field, or at a restaurant. 🙂 This just speaks to your willingness to love everyone and be open to learning about new experiences and backgrounds of others.

No matter how annoying, bratty or crabby we are at a given moment, you never cease to offer up your time to help us: whether it is with homework, friend troubles, teacher troubles, or just plain advice.

I have become an exponentially better person by watching you and learning how to live life the way you do. While it doesn’t seem like we know it sometimes, the boys and I are so lucky to have you as a role model. You have taught us to be driven, motivated, hard-working, kind, loving, and thoughtful.

We all have so much more to learn from you and I hope you have an amazing Mother’s Day.

I love you so much!

Your Daughter

Sometimes I hesitate to write about my experiences until they’ve “settled” in my mind.  This one took place a few weeks back and my reaction threw me. So, I told no one, until recently.  And, now I’m telling you.

One afternoon I was driving on a service road a few miles from home – it’s a single lane road and as I came around the bend, I had to completely stop.  Not because of a red light – but because five police cars were blocking the road and had surrounded a black SUV.  Literally all five cars had the doors open and police officers with their guns pointed at a guy who had just stepped out of the car. “Put your hands up.”  “Lift your shirt.”  “Turn around.”  “Get on your knees.” “Hands above your head at all times.”  I was maybe two car lengths away and heard every word.

Some time during the yelling of orders, I found myself crying.  No, sobbing.  I’m frankly tired of this sobbing stuff and I’ve really got to toughen up.  I read somewhere that if I pinch myself hard enough each time I want to cry, I’ll eliminate the “want.”  Anyway, I wasn’t sure why I was so upset — I just knew I was.

Once they got him in the car and drove away, I was able to leave.  WTF, Jessica.  This guy likely did SOMETHING, for there to be five police cars.  Get a grip.  I left just exhausted and wondering if menopause had taken over my entire brain!

Yesterday, I was recounting the story for someone and I broke down again.  S***!  Then, it hit me — I felt awful that he was losing his freedom.  I mean really awful.

We take for granted our freedom and the ability to move about as we wish.  To drive, to buy, to drink, and to eat.  We forget that there are people all over the world, who are imprisoned in jails, or even in their own country.  People who are trapped in abusive relationships.  And, I know that watching someone you love go to jail  … Well, it pretty much ranks up there in the top 5 hideous life experiences.

But even more so than losing his freedom, this was someone’s baby.  Someone once held him.  Kissed him all over his face and tickled his toes.  This was someone who went the wrong way and couldn’t recalibrate.  This was the end (for now) of physically touching his family and having the warm summer breeze on his face.

It’s highly likely that this guy did something wrong.  But, I’ve really nothing here to explain my tears other than “appreciation.”  Friends, let’s be thankful that we’ve not gone a way that could result in that kind of outcome.  Let’s appreciate our bed and warm blankets.  And, let’s not take for granted that we can touch the ones we love anytime.

Life is fragile and in a second – with one decision – it can completely change.  Let’s enjoy each second today.

XO

 

A really good friend sent me a text message.  There was a word doc attached and she basically said to read it at my own risk because I was sure to cry.  My father told me last night that as we get older the tears flow a bit easier.  I’m thinking that’s going to be a problem for me when I’m already crying so much at this young age!

I want to give you an excerpt of this message because it’s a good reminder as we start the week.  Here’s the story she sent me:

At an airport I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together. They’d announced her plane’s departure and standing near the door, she said to her daughter, “I love you, I wish you enough.”

She said, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.” They kissed and the daughter left. A stranger saw the exchange and asked the mom about it.

The mother asked the stranger if she’d ever said good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever.  The stranger asked why the good-bye was forever.  The mother said,

“I’m old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral.”  The stranger then asked about the significance of “I wish you enough.”

The mother said, “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.”  The mom paused and then with a smile finished, “When we said ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them.  Like,

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Good-bye..”

Beautiful.

Friends, I buzzed through my weekend.  Did I say something like this to my children or the people I was with?  I’m sure not.

I have a few close friends who have either recently left us or who are struggling with a loved one doing the same.  And even if we’re all going to be here for a lot longer — it’s an easy thing to say and we should be thankful that we have time to say it over and over again.

So, I want to wish you all enough love today to put a smile on your face.

I’ll make sure I text it to my kids!  🙂

Have an amazing one!

Life isn’t meant to be easy, its meant to be lived..sometimes happy, other times rough. But with every up and down you learn lessons that make you strong. Unknown

We get up every day yet we never know for sure, what the weather will be, whether we’ll have a problem arise or not or whether it’ll be a quiet and uneventful day.  Sometimes, because life isn’t perfect, we can feel angry and in turmoil.  Every day our relationships, family, money, job, etc. bring joy and also exhaustion.

So, how do we deal with the curve balls that come our way?  How do we manage those days (or weeks in my case this week!) where we feel frustrated, discouraged, defeated, anxious, angry and down?  I think it’s in the “how” we play the entire game, not just that one curve ball when we’re at bat (keeping up with my baseball theme!).

That this week I had my share of at bats and I mostly struck out.  I hit a home run or two but mostly it was an average outing.  And, at first I let it get to me.  Feeling frustrated even when I was driving my car or waiting for a pump at the gas station.  But last night I dreamt of a situation where I felt trapped by someone and just could not get away.  I woke up thinking how horrible that felt, and then I realized that the only person who can trap me is me.  That I choose how I deal with life, my strike outs and my home runs.  I decide if I want to let it result in the mind-chatter of defeat or if I want to look forward to the next game.

There’s no question that sometimes we wake up and from the word “go” it sucks.  Got that.  But, when that happens we can let it cause the rest of our day to suck (as I did one day this week) or just shake it off and move on — not letting the incessant negative chatter become our day.

And, hey — maybe my strikeouts are really setting me up for a home run.  Maybe the reason why things happen to us that crush us is so that we can get up and do better things.  Maybe if we didn’t have the practice of defeat, we wouldn’t know how to win. (Sounds easy, but I know it’s not!)

Look, I know Jack S*** about how life works.  But, all we can do is try.  Try to be kind at the grocery store when we’re feeling pissed about the lines or our last phone call. Try to be loving to our kids when we’re mad and they already feel defeated.   Or just try to love ourselves, when our bodies and minds are not following the course we want them to.

Seriously, it’s not perfect.  But, I’d rather have imperfection than nothing at all.

Have an amazing weekend!

In a world where we often feel helpless watching what’s going on around us, I met someone who decided that his life mattered.  I want to tell you about him.

On Sunday (after doing one too many errands), I was in the car by myself heading home for a much-needed hour alone (kids with their dad for dinner!).  As I got off the freeway and started to head down toward my house I saw a guy in the distance walking and then sitting down in the middle of the sidewalk.  Now, this is Sunday and near my old office building so there really aren’t people walking around the area.  I worried that something was wrong – maybe because I could see he was very obese.  So, I pulled over and got out of my car.  I hope he wasn’t embarrassed but I just wanted to make sure he was ok.

His story:  He was fine.  Actually, just tired because he’d walked two miles as exercise and was heading home.  He admitted to me that walking or doing much of anything for that matter was exhausting.  But, he told me, he’d lost 104 pounds in the last 10 months and he was shooting for another 100.  I was so impressed and I asked him what had triggered his need for change.  He said that when he heard “Black Lives Matter” he realized that he never thought his life mattered (he’s white, by the way). He’d always been overweight and never really thought he counted for much of anything.  Hearing that phrase caused a switch to flip and he realized that he needed to make a big change because he too deserved to live.  Wow!  As we said good-bye, he shared his favorite quote:

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.   Mike Murdock

Friends, even when we think it’s so bad.  That we’re so stuck. That we can’t change our world, our life, our perspective — we have to believe that we can.  We need to push our fear of failure away. Each one of us matters – regardless of color, gender, orientation, size or age … we all matter.  And, to make a change –  the kind we need to make to keep ourselves in the game of life — well, we need to start thinking that we matter.  That we can change.  That we can do things differently.  We need to believe it, visualize it and then do it!  Join me … that’s my quest this year!

Have a great day!!

What was I thinking that I could get some “me” time?  I suppose the result was to be expected.  

Yesterday, after coffee with my dad and a quick run through the grocery store, I decided to swing by my favorite coffee shop (with big chairs) to finish up a book I’ve been reading.  I ordered an unsweetened iced tea and sunk down in my chair with my baseball cap well over my face.  It had a nondescript “LB” on it (which means nothing to most).  I was so interested in being alone that I didn’t even put on my Packer cap – which might spur conversation with a stranger!

The chair next to me was empty.  I quietly put my purse there so no one would sit next to me (ok, maybe not my nicest move, but I really just wanted a few minutes alone!).

I saw him come in (I know, supposed to be reading my book).  He looked familiar but maybe not.  Who cares … I’m reading!

“Is LB, Laguna Beach?” he says.  I slowly look up.  “Yup,” I quip.  I want to be clear that this is not going to be a conversation.  “I love Laguna Beach,” he says.  “It’s the best people watching of any warm city.”  I just smile.  I don’t want to talk.

He asks if anyone’s sitting next to me. I want to scream – YES, but I say no and move my purse.  I close my book.  Obviously, this is not going to be “me” time.

Turns out, I’d never met this person before.  He wanted to chat about something (and I didn’t), so I said very little and he said a lot.

But, what he said isn’t the topic of today’s blog.  The topic is a reminder about life’s “disruptions:”

Life has a lot of unplanned changes and lately I’ve been experiencing them.  You know that sense of unrest I’m talking about?  That feeling of being like a dog chasing their own tail.  I’m a believer in “to-do” list, I plan my meals, I write my blog, I get my work done, kids fed, and enjoy my social life.  But lately my days were ending with that dull feeling of not really completing my tasks.  Of too many distractions, things getting in the way … of failed accomplishment.

As he spoke, I realized that even when life feels interrupted, blemished and haggard, it really is exactly how it’s supposed to be.  It’s beautifully flawed in the most perfect of imperfect ways.  This guy, who was “disturbing” my time, was really giving me an opportunity to remind my selfish self that life has been graciously given to me and I should put some reins on my perfectionist ways.  To be present when someone wants to talk. And to just enjoy life’s disruptions – no matter when they come.   So, I quieted my mind and listened to him.  I never finished my book.

Friends, enjoy your own distractions this week.  At least we’re around to have them.

I am reading The Road to Character, by New York Times Columnist David Brooks.  It’s caused me to think about what makes a fulfilling life and how to become more humble, kind and self-sacrificing.

What exactly is humility?  Humility is not difficult to define (though it’s hard to embody). It means not thinking we’re more important than anyone else, including those who’ve achieved less than us. And it implies judging ourselves not in comparison with others, but in light of our capabilities, and the goals we’ve set in our lives.  Tall order.

Brooks says that our obsession with individual achievement and self-worth has gone too far.   He cites to a 1950s, Gallup poll which asked high school seniors if they considered themselves to be a very important person. Just 12 percent said yes. When the same question was asked 50 years later, 80 percent of students said they thought they are very important.

Why this huge cultural shift toward inflated self-worth?  Well, we’ve become a culture focused on our own importance and believing that success leads to happiness and a meaningful life.  I’d argue the exact opposite – it leads to narcissism and loneliness.

Let’s think about this for a second:

To have a truly fulfilling life of humility and character, we must learn how to let go of our perceived importance.  To forget ourselves.

Powerful.

And, how can we succeed at this notion of humility and character?  I think the answer is through our friendships.

We likely can agree that it takes about three seconds to figure out if someone we meet is genuine.  I’ve made the mistake in my life of not going with my gut on that one and I’ve spent years regretting such decisions.  I’ve also gone with my gut and now have some life-changing friendships!

Even our ancient writers (Aristotle, Montaigne, for example) wrote that while one can go without marriage, justice, or honor — one cannot live without  genuine friendships.  You know the kind I’m talking about …. the ones where all your secrets, fears and joys are shared, and then loved and respected.

How is it that for some people this seems to come so naturally?  Here’s what I’ve noticed about my life-altering friendships:

• They ask questions.  Questions they really are curious about.
• They listen and don’t talk while listening.
• They can perceive what is not being said but is felt.
• They are vulnerable enough so that it makes it easier to share.
• They are humble and have humility.

Know any of those people?  They are indispensable to life.

Let’s change our self-absorbed culture through our friendships? Why don’t we teach our children the importance of being a good friend?  Or about humility?  When we leave here will look back on what we did for ourselves or for others?

What better gift for the collective consciousness of the world than being less “me” and more everything else.

Food for thought.

Have an amazing weekend, my friends!

 

Have you ever had something that you really, really wanted fall unexpectedly into your lap?  Or something you needed help deciding and then all of a sudden the answer was right in front of you?  Coincidence?  The universe?

I’ve always had a thing for coincidences and synchronicity.  Sometimes, it hasn’t worked out well.  For example, for many years, before my mom got sick, she’d tell us that she thought she was going to die at 59.  We always told her she was insane and there was no way she was getting sick and dying and certainly not a 59. When she turned 59 she threw a big party (Fred Astaire – for my daughter – her favorite!)  and said, “Well, this is my year – my time.”  We again told her she was insane.  But four months later she was diagnosed with brain cancer and died six weeks later – at 59.

I’ve had my own fair share of envisioning things that in one way or another came true.  So I’ve always wondered, what is this all about?  Is there some way that our thinking brings things to us?  I have no idea.  But this is my impression of how it works:

A large percentage (85%) of all communication is body language.  How you hold yourself, how you connect with people, the energy you put out there — and, that’s what you get back.  It’s what some people call the “law of attraction.”  

Some time back I was in a situation that I wasn’t sure about.  I kept asking for “direction” (from I’m not sure who, but I continued to ask).  I totally got the signs that I was looking for – some brutally clear – but I ignored them – (not really believing in signs despite the fact that I was asking for them!).  

Recently, I’ve been working on making a major life change and every time I get scared, I ask the “universe” to give me a sign that I’m going in the right direction.  I hate to admit this but I’ve gotten some pretty good signs!  

Here’s what I think:  when you visualize something and can see it in your life you start to send out those signals with your body language.  People react to the body language and before long, you have the opportunity you were looking for.

So, let’s don’t be afraid to ask.  The worst thing that can happen? We don’t get it?  What’s the best?  We do!  I have a feeling that these things take time. So if you really want some inspiration – give yourself that extra space and time.  Visualize what you want, feel yourself in possession of it, notice the sense of fulfillment and happiness.  Honestly, I think you’ll be amazed at the outcome.  

Still no answers on how it works but at this stage in my life, I’m not sure I really care how, I just care that it’s happening!

Keep me posted and have a great day!

 

I was with someone this weekend (older than me – but not by much!) and he asked me if I knew who Mr. Greenjeans was.  Wow, talk about taking me back in time (of course I do, I’m over 50!).

So, as a little game (with wine!), we came up with a list of what defines being a 50-something (we chose not to address body ailments, sex, loss of hair or weight!).

Your first Barbie doll did not have bendable legs.

The Monkees.

You know what a slide rule is (calculators was considered cheating).

You know about “old math” and “new math.”

You know who Dick, Jane, Sally, and Puff are.

You know all the words to “Hotel California” (We knew all the words, but had no idea what they mean)

You inhaled (shhh).

You remember paying 5 cents for a full size candy bar (g-d knows why we stole them when they were so cheap!).

You had milk delivered to the back door.

People hung clothes outside and then had to iron everything.

You listened to AM radio. No one listened to FM.

We would order clothes from the Sears catalogue.  The boxes came to the door and the bill came in the mail. 

Aluminum Christmas tree (now available at antique stores at the price of a new home!)

Shopping at Woolworth’s or Ben Franklin.  What the h*** was a Mall?

“Wonder Bread builds strong bodies twelve ways.”

You used telephone booths with closable doors.

You popped popcorn at home then put it in a large brown paper grocery bag and took it to the drive-in.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course
And no one can talk to a horse, of course
Unless, of course, the name of the horse
Is the famous Mr. Ed!

Ahh, the memories!  Got any of your own?

Have a great Monday!