theyearsafter50

A friend put on FB that she was thinking of giving up caffeine.  When I read it, my PTSD came back in full force, remembering the two weeks it took me to get off caffeine.

In the early 90’s, I was the typical law student, drinking coffee all day – and did the same thing once I started practicing.  Then, about 12 years ago, my law partner convinced me to run a marathon.  He said it would be easy.  You just start out running 3 miles, then 6 and before you know it you are running 26.2 (yea, right – topic for a whole nother blog!).  I gotta tell you that the training was not that difficult.  The hard part was his demand two months into the training that I ive up caffeine before the race.  “What?,” I said?  “Give up coffee?   Here, just take my next five paychecks instead … I’m not giving up my coffee for a race!”

I made the mistake of not tapering and just went off the sauce cold turkey!  Thus, I had a headache for two weeks and if I recall correctly, I had a lot more friends before quitting! But, let me tell you the results of this experiment:

Less trips to the bathroom: If you think I have to go a lot now, you should have seen me back then.  I was worse than a 90-year-old man (I said man intentionally!)

Better sleep:  Yes, I have the menopause sleep thing going now but when I went off caffeine some 12 years ago, my sleeping was so much better and because of that, I was a nicer person (I think).

More energy:  I realize that I generally have an abnormal amount of energy but back then, the coffee made me feel sluggish with an occasional coffee buzz. I actually think I was brain-impaired half the day (and only slightly awake the other half!).

No siestas: I used to have those afternoon comas. You know the ones … the “crash” that requires a strong cup of coffee around 2:30?  Now, if I’m feeling tired (usually from getting up and running at 5:30 a.m.!), I just go walk around a bit and I’m fine.

Less headaches:  I was totally addicted to caffeine, and that if I didn’t get my morning cup, a nasty headache would set in around 10 a.m. I haven’t had one caffeine headache since I made the change.

Do I miss the coffee? H*** yes.  Now drink decaf, if I really want the flavor (to go with a piece of flourless chocolate cake).  The truth is, giving up caffeine can improve your productivity and your attitude, among other things.

I know people who drink coffee all day and well into the evening and have no problems whatsoever.  Yet, I think it’s a worthwhile experiment.  May I suggest that you try it after the holidays — I do think you’ll want to end up with the same number of relatives that you started with (if you know what I mean!).

Enjoy your weekend!

The old saying goes: If you can dream it, you can do it.  I really think it’s true. When I was younger (age 49), I never really thought much about visualization.  I just figured you had a dream and if you were lucky, it came true.

Now, I believe that visualization is the most powerful way of achieving personal goals.  You have to have the idea, the picture in your mind, in order to meet your goals.

Do you know the story about Jim Carrey’s check to himself?  Carrey says that in 1987, he wrote a check to himself in the sum of $10 million. He dated it Thanksgiving 1995 and added the notation, “for acting services rendered.” He visualized it for years and in 1994, he received $10 million for his role in “Dumb and Dumber.”

I sometimes wonder about my mom.  She said for at least to years, that she was going to die at 59.  We said she was crazy.  But maybe she wasn’t.  Could she have visualized something so badly and unwitting caused her untimely death at 59?  I hate to think about it that way…

One of the most well-known studies on creative visualization in sports compared four groups of Olympic athletes in terms of their physical and mental training ratios:

• Group 1 received 100% physical training.
• Group 2 received 75% physical training and 25% mental training.
• Group 3 received 50% mental training and 50% physical training.
• Group 4 received 75% mental training with 25% physical training.

Of course, group 4 had the best performance results.  Today, most top athletes use the power of visualization to perform at their peak.  I see this with my daughter. She sees where she wants to go with her sport and I’m sure she’ll get there.

For almost the two years I was unhappy where I worked.  While I enjoyed the people, it wasn’t the right fit.   But, I waited for it to change because I didn’t want to make the change myself.  It wasn’t until I started to think about what I wanted the next place to look like and feel like, that I was able to get to my destination.

How about our personal lives? Our relationships with our spouse/partner and our kids?  Why don’t we visualize the kind of relationship we want with them?  Wouldn’t that allow us to have those great relationships rather than just wishing we had them? What about visualizing happiness or peace in our lives? Same thing, right?

I’ve been thinking about this lately.  Not the shoveling part (well, I have been thinking about why my sons have not shoveled yet), but the purpose part.  What is my purpose?  What am I supposed to be doing while I’m here.  Sure, there are the obvious things, raise my children, learn and grow from the loves in my life, take care of some important people in my world, win a freaking triathlon (waiting for the 80-85 age category ….).  But, is there a “purpose?”  Something I can define?

The universe is about flow.  It’s about giving and receiving.  And, I’ve had loads of opportunities to do so.  So, it’s made me wonder if mine is service.  But, I’ve often wondered if that’s enough.  I can be very self-critical (as you know) and I’m thinking that I could be missing my purpose.

There’s a story about Buckminster Fuller, one of the greatest inventors of the twentieth century, about he and his sick daughter. One day, Fuller said he was leaving the house to go to a football game and promised his daughter (who was 6) that we would bring her back one of the small red flags that they use in football for her birthday the next day.  Fuller didn’t come back for three days.  Apparently out partying (he was known for that). When he finally arrived home his wife told him not to waste time apologising to her but to go up to see his daughter as she had gotten worse. When he picked her up in his arms the daughter asked if he had the flag.  He said no, and shortly thereafter, she died in his arms.

After that, Fuller felt so bad that he wanted to end his life.  But, the story goes that he heard a voice essentially saying that he didn’t have a right to end his life.  It wasn’t his and he had not yet done what he had come to the earth to do.  He spent years trying to figure out his purpose and, as we know, he eventually figured out that it was to leave us with great beauty.

I’m still sorting through this purpose issue.  But one thing I have figured out is that I need to pay attention to the “taps on my shoulder.”  These are the times when I feel like someone (thing?) is tapping me on the shoulder indicating that I am going a positive way or a negative way.  I have a tendency to ignore those taps (Hence starting a new job today almost two years longer than I should have.  Why?  Because, I ignored the taps.).

So, I have no answers.  Only questions.  And one thought:  if we listen and when we are ready, we will see, feel and maybe hear with a bit more clarity, our purpose.  Mine today may be as simple as a smile to all that I meet.  What’s yours?

Have a great one!

 

I’ve got a friend who is amazing with adversity.  Over the years I’ve known him, he was hit hard with various issues – his wife died, he had some health issues and a number of other personal problems.  Every time something happened, I watched him deal with it all through grace and kindness to others. He never excluded me.  He would often ask for advice or support.  All things that brought me closer to him.

I’m not as centered as my friend (although I’m trying). When I face adversity (or fear) I go to my cave or behave badly.  I often try to shut others out or pretend I’m ok.  I can learn a lot from him.

Do you know the old story about the daughter who complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her? She didn’t know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.  She constantly shut people out and tried to manage it all herself.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs and in the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

Once done, he asked her to look and feel each of the items.  She did and noted that the hard carrot had become soft, the fragile egg had become hard and the coffee had become a rich aromatic drink.  Now the story ends with the father asking the daughter, “Which one are you?”  But, I think that’s the wrong question because, adversity should bring a bit of all three to our lives.  It should cause us to soften and become more humble.  It should also cause us to develop inner strength.  And, it should result in us becoming a richer human being.

The holiday season is, of course, a time of joy, family and friends.  But it is also a time that reminds us of our life struggles.  When the latter happens, try not to shut out those you love in order to steel yourself from the pain.  That’s what I used to do in my cave.  Instead, try to look inside, find your softness, your strength and the richness in your life and share it with those you love … and maybe even those you don’t.

Have a great weekend!

I really pride myself in being positive.  But there are a few things that are just bugging me right now.  Maybe it’s the freaking cold.  Maybe it’s that it is too icy to run in the dark (screw it, I’m going tomorrow a.m.).  Maybe it’s just because I’m a Scrooge.  Who cares?  Here’s my s*** right now:

1. When I call to try to fix my internet service, don’t make me talk into the phone regarding my problem.  I don’t even want to talk about my problem.  I want it FIXED.  So, let me punch a few buttons (not too many) and get it done.

2. Please don’t pull in front of me on the side roads when it’s so slippery.  I’m often trying to drink some hot tea or water and I am sick of spilling on myself.  That’s what they have blinkers for!

3. Do not, in any case, take my parking spot when you see MY blinker because I’m waiting for the spot.  Just don’t do it.  I will retaliate.

4. Please send me your holiday cards even if I didn’t get mine out last year.  I still want to be on your list even if I am last year’s holiday card failure!

5. When I unsubscribe to junk emails I want to be unsubscribed.  End of story.

6. I need more wine in those wine glasses when I go out to dinner this holiday season.  Please don’t skimp Mr. and Ms. Bartender.

7. I need more people who want to go out for wine and dinner this holiday season!

8. I really would prefer it if the snow could come only once per week.  It takes me a day to recover from the work of shoveling and then 6 days of rest.  OR, my kids could pick up those really nice shovels I have and do something with them (that’s a message to the boys in my house!).

9. I don’t need any more junk mail or inserts in my newspaper.  I am running out of room in my recycling bin and nothing is more frustrating than to have the service refuse to take my extra recycling if it’s not in the “bin.”  Really?

10.  Please put your headlights on by 4:00 pm in the frozen tundra.  I have trouble with that dusk thing and I like to be able to see you (not you, but those you who I don’t know) before you slide into me!

I thank you.  I thank you for this morning rant.  I thank you for reading my s***, when you are so inclined and I can’t wait to get that holiday card that you’ve likely put in the mail for us!

Enjoy the “warm up” today!!!

I’m struggling with this.  I’ve been using these words interchangeably.  But, I think I am wrong and using them the same way has caused me to push myself and those I love in the wrong direction … maybe toward me when that was not the right path.  Last night I realized that these two words are different.

When I try to motivate myself, to do something, I’m really pushing myself to do something I don’t want to do. The same is true for others in my life … when I have to push them in a direction it’s because they really don’t want to do what I’m asking from them.

Inspiration comes from a completely different place than motivation. The word inspiration means to be in spirit. When you’re tuned into your spirit, when you are inspired to be with someone or do something, the feeling is drawn from a very different place.  It’s passion.  And, fulfillment is the end result.

Motivation, on the other hand, usually has a lot to do with growth but maybe a bit less “real” than that which is inspired.  It’s often what you are supposed to do.  What others are doing.  It may be a good idea but is it what you are passionate about?  Does it feel like a burning desire that emanates from the core of your being?

When you’re inspired:

• It feels effortless.
• You have to hold yourself back from starting right now.
• Your passion feels steady.
• You feel it in your bones.
• You just know.

Inspiration isn’t something we get … it’s something that comes from within.  It’s paying attention to that inner voice.  It’s about taking the time to realign your desires with your direction.  Look, it’s great to be a motivated person.  I certainly am.  But being inspired is something entirely different.

I think I’ve been pushing people in my life to be motivated to either be with me or do things that I thought were “right.”  But, the truth is, if they are not inspired, it’s work.  It’s a chore for them and eventually a chore for me.

So, ask yourself this question:  What do you really want? Not what should you want, not what you think might be a good idea for you to want. What lights you up?  What fuels the passion in you?  Once you’ve got a grasp on that, stay with it for a little while. Bathe in it, savor it, taste it … visualize it.  Once you get there, you know that you are inspired in that direction.  It’s 100% better than trying to motivate yourself in that direction, right?

There are so many ways to find inspiration in our daily life.  It doesn’t require a lot of money or time.  The only requirement is that we open our eyes to the amazing things in front of us every day.  I promise, it won’t take long to find that which inspires us!  And then, the inspiration will fall into your lap.

Have a great day!

BTW:  I am not inspired to warm up my car.  Any takers?  🙂

 

I’ve been exhausted this last week.  Physically and emotionally exhausted.  I can even say that there were a few days where I went to bed at 9 and had to drag my sorry a** out of bed at 6:30.  So not me.

Yesterday, I decided that it was time to get out of my funk (hard to get out of a funk in this freaking weather).  So, I planned some fun things: a run with two friends in the 5 degree temps, lunch with my Dad and then later in the evening 7:00 p.m. hot yoga  (p.s. only in Minnesota does it take 35 minutes for me to start sweating in hot yoga!).

During savasana (the time when I’m supposed to relax … and I don’t), she told us to take some time to marinate in our awesomeness.  I immediately thought of a salad (clearly I was hungry).  Why would I marinate in my awesomeness?  That’s what I encourage others to do.  That’s not what I do for myself.

Then, it dawned on me … why don’t we marinate in our awesomeness? We should be congratulating ourselves for who we are and what we do (even the little or not-so-great things).  Instead, we focus on what we don’t do or don’t do well.  All the while encouraging others (which, of course, is a great thing to do!) but not ourselves.

Then, I heard this in the quiet of my mind:

There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow. Today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live.  Dalai Lama

Ok, now this 60 minutes is getting me somewhere.

Not only should we marinate in how great we are, but we should focus on us today!  We should not worry about our decisions or failures yesterday or what might happen tomorrow.  I (maybe we) need to remember to be thankful and peaceful and loving (of ourselves) today.  This is so easy for me to do for others … but not myself.  Sound familiar?

So, in the 10 seconds before my mind wandered to my grocery list, I congratulated myself for my decision this week, for taking care of myself, for allowing it to feel emotional and for not beating myself up (too much).

I want to remember appreciate me each day.  I don’t want to have big expectations about what’s to come.  I don’t want to have any regrets about what didn’t work out.  I just want to enjoy me and the flaws in my day today … even if I’ve got 10 flaws before 8 a.m.!

Appreciate you and the awesomeness of your day today! Have a fantastic start to your week!

The other day I saw a woman I know crying.  I say that I know her, which I do, but I typically don’t enjoy spending time with her.  I find her to have a big ego and she’s very competitive.  I also find myself avoiding her when I see her.  However, the other day, when I saw her crying, something hit me: Everyone, even those with big egos, can be hurt.  They can be hurt so much that they cry.

An obvious statement, I know, but what made me feel so unsure about my own moral compass was – how did I judge her from the outside, rather than thinking about the fact that she was likely just like me on the inside?  How selfish of me …

As if that wasn’t sobering enough, Nelson Mandela dies.  The absolute king of not judging from the outside.  How did he do it?  Why aren’t I doing it?

Now, we know I am no Nelson Mandela but the idea should be in the fore of my mind. I should be careful about judging those I don’t care for.  I should be forgiving the stuff I don’t like about people and focusing on that which I do like (even if it sometimes is very little!).  I really want to work on this life skill.

That’s all.  It’s been a long week and I’ve got a few more in front of me.  I (and my brave assistant!) will be moving to a new firm in a week (that was the big decision) and looking forward to new life adventures and likely meeting a bunch more cool people!

Have a great weekend!

 

I’ve not written in a couple of days.  Earlier this week I had to make a big decision about something in my life and I just wasn’t sure which direction to go.  I should have written about it … it might have helped.  But it was one of those not-for-public-consumption decisions that I had to make first, then execute, then I could talk about.

Here’s something I learned in the process – I’m not entirely honest with myself.  I tend to want to avoid any indication that I’m unhappy.  Even to myself.  So, for example, in this case, I didn’t know what decision I was going to make until the very moment I was faced with the decision.  And, then as I was sitting there, through a face full of tears, I realized that I had been so unhappy for so long that the decision was obvious.

How did I not see it a year ago?  What was I hiding from myself?  I really try hard to make situations in my life actually work.   Why?  Because I like to avoid the appearance (maybe just to myself) of “failure.”   But, here’s what I’ve said before (and why I didn’t use it on myself this last year, I’ll never know!) – there’s no such thing as failure.

I love the story about Thomas Edison who was approached by a reporter and asked: “How does it feel to have failed a thousand times?” The great inventor responded, “I have not failed a thousand times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those thousand ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”  After several thousand more of these “successes,” Edison finally found the one that worked and then invented the light bulb.

This last year I was so afraid that if I admitted that a decision I made wasn’t working, that I would appear as a failure.  I was so afraid that I simply ignored my own feelings and pretended to myself that it was OK.  That’s the worst kind of pretending … when we do it to ourselves.  Instead, I should have been confident enough (if even to myself) to acknowledge that this “success” was not going to be the right one, and move on.  I didn’t.  But, maybe it gave me the opportunity to learn more about myself.  I guess being the young age of 51, I still have a lot to learn.

Failure is an imaginary thing; it’s just the outcome of everything and anything we do. It’s really just an attitude about results that are different from the ones we anticipated.

I’m going to welcome myself back to my blog and my feelings!  It only took me a year to find them. 🙂

Have a great day and stay warm!

 

 

The holiday season is in full swing now  and, no matter how much you like the holidays, there’s no question that some stress comes with the territory.  This is a period where many of us get stressed out meeting the multiple expectations, desires and demands on us, including spending more $$ than our credit cards will enjoy.  Oh, and let’s not forget the part that I also heap on my plate … the need to engage in some activity that requires me (and my kids) to volunteer with the less fortunate.

So, what is the trick is to enjoying this time and keeping ourselves sane (that assumes I was sane to begin with!)?  Here are some ideas I’m going to use to avoid the typical stress I have during this time of year … any thing resonate?

1. There’s always the fear that someone will get you a gift or send a card and you won’t have reciprocated.  Don’t let this force you into reciprocating.  There are only two words that you need to remember to use — “Thank You.”  Said with meaning and the deepest of gratitude, will go a long way.

2. There is no such thing as the perfect gift!  When in doubt about what to buy – don’t.  Instead, donate something to your favorite charity and tell the person  you’re not giving gifts, but instead are donating money to something worthwhile like educating homeless children or taking care of stray animals.  No one can resist helping others this time of year.  One year, we all gave money to other organizations rather than buying gifts.  It was fantastic!

3. Remember, saying no to a party invitation is not the end of your social life (what social life?).  There will always be more. We all need to rest and a night in front of the TV with my hand in a box of cereal can be just the mindless rest I need.

4.  In keeping with #3, if you overeat and over drink too much, remember, tomorrow is another day. Key here: You can lose whatever you might gain in these next three weeks.  It’s ok.

5.  Enjoy yourself! Give yourself permission to have fun and drop the words “have to, obligation, duty and tradition” from your vocabulary.  If you skip a work out, just let it go!

Let’s remember, the holidays are meant to be like a mini-vacation, not a season from h***.  How we choose to participate is up to us, but we do have choices.

So, I’m not going to allow the hustle of it all to get in the way of some quiet time with my family and even for myself.  I’m sure Santa never did — look how jolly he seems to be and he eats lots of cookies and likely never makes it to the gym!

Have a wonderful start to your week!