I know I have a tendency to seem happy, even when things aren’t going well. And sometimes I’m sure that’s annoying. Yet, I have to admit that I’m tired of angry people. I’ve been thinking about what I know for sure about anger:
1. Most adult anger is about expectations and values not being met. Some people build up strong belief systems of how things should be or should not be and then expect others to behave in ways that they deem “correct.”
2. Angry people allow their mind to make up wrong assumptions and things that are just not true.
3. Anger is often the result of a person’s need to control someone else and tell them what to do based on his own view of how things should be in life.
4. People who had critical, perfectionistic parents learn to be judgmental themselves. They often become angry when their own needs are not met. This does not mean you can’t change, however.
5. People who are critical and controlling of others usually have high anxiety and irritability and harbor irrational beliefs that certain people are stupid or do things wrong. Really, it’s them looking in the mirror.
6. Constant criticism is a bad habit that will sour any relationship. These are the people who point their finger – verbally and physically.
I’ve decided that angry people need not apply for a spot in my life. I’d prefer mature people. Mature people seek better ways to deal with their anger in an argument. They know that they get angry … everyone does. But they don’t let their tapes play, which have the song, “I am always right.” Instead, they find a way to work on problems rather than force a result.
We all have to take responsibility for our actions. And, when we admit our wrongdoing, it can be empowering — not negative. The healthy way of dealing with anger (which we all have) is to identify it, burn the freaking tape and work on solving problems rather than pointing fingers.
We get the life we choose. Some people choose anger. And, others don’t!
Have a great day!